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EPISODE 9

And now, after a severe delay caused by obstreperous elves and humorless posters on the CNN board, we at last present Episode Nine of "Mr Moron Goes to Washington" entitled "The Greased Cat Takes on The Gormless Goons of the GOP."

Ordered to return from his self-imposed exile on his tiny farm, President Little Dubya Moron has obeyed the instructions of Richard Rainwater, SCI and the Big Insurance Company of Texas and taken over the Oval Office again. Immediately ordering massive multi-billion contracts for Rainwater and the others for services to be defined some time or another, and appointing Pat Robertson as Secretary for State Religion, President Moron is about to order the invasion of either Panama or Canada, whichever they can locate first. But the Greased Cat, watching the Gormless Goons from outside the Oval Office has seized Vice President Garden Gnome and vanished into the dusk.

Now read on.

The Gormless Goons of the GOP, Trent Lott, Dick Armey, Tom Delay and President Moron, with intellectual leadership provided by little danny quayle are gathered in the Oval Office to hear the Address to the Nation by the Greased Cat. Having declared itself a candidate, the major channels have agreed to the broadcast. Lott hands out the flea powder and bananas, and they settle down.

Trent Lott: "Okay, it’s time… Tom, I hope you’re going to clean that up before we go? Turn the radio on."

Wiping his hands on the carpet, Delay does so, and sits back in the mess he had left on the armchair.

The Greased Cat: "My fellow Americans, I believe that the Gormless Goons of the GOP have strayed far from the basic platform of the party, and I intend to repair this damage. We need to return to ethics and morals…"

President Moron: "What? What’s he talking about?"

The Greased Cat: "Government must not be run by the NRA, Richard Rainwater or the Big Insurance Company of Texas, but by law-abiding, honest and truthful public servants…"

President Moron: "What? What’s he talking about?"

Trent Lott: "I’ve no idea. I’ve never heard of such concepts."

Little danny quayle: "I think there’s something like that in the konstit… konstichoo, sumthing like that. I red abowt it in skool, I think."

President Moron: "What? What’s he talking about?"

Tom Delay: "Sounds like a lot of librul fascist pinko-commie bull to me. We’ve always done what the people with the money told us."

The Greased Cat: "I have full documentation here of every little deal with the criminals that President Moron has made, every order he received and followed, and records of the money he got. I have details of every nickel he took for not breeding Hairless Whackoes and Pitchfork Whackoes and Moral Whackoes and every law he broke in the process…."

President Moron: "What? What’s he talking about?"

The Greased Cat: "… and these will be published on the internet tonight."

President Moron: "What? What’s he talking about?"

The Rest of the Gormless Goons: "I’ve no idea."

Trent Lott: "But I think it means trouble, Mr. President. Tom! For Gods sake, put that thing away!"

Dick Armey. "Er…"

President Moron: "I don’t understand! All I did was Mr. Rainwater told me to do! And I only got a few hundred million for it. It’s not fair! I want my mommy!"

Trent Lott: "There, there, Mr. President. Why don’t you take your teddy bear and go and lie down in the nursery, and I’ll get your mommy to call you. Dick, better call John McCain. I think we’re going to need him."

Dick Armey. "Er…"

Tom Delay: "Does that mean I can’t declare a war anywhere? Where is Panada, anyway?"

Dick Armey. "Er…"

Forgetting to clean up the horrible mess they have left in the Oval Office, the Gormless Goons begin to run and around and scream and shout, finally breaking through the windows and racing out into the sunshine.

The Greased Cat enters quietly, picks up the phone.

The Greased Cat: "Senator McCain. Please listen carefully….."