Junior on the
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 Mike Okassian - Monday, 04/17/00, 4:32:58pm (#19870 of 19870) And now, for those who missed last night's fourth episode of our continuing drama, Mr. Moron Goes to Washington! here is a repeat. Episode 5 follows shortly. The story so far… Coaxed from his menial life of breeding Bushie Whackoes on his family farm, little Dubya Moron has taken a new job. Life had been hard, as there was zero demand for Bushie Whackoes (genus Whacko Dubya Moronicus), and little Dubya had only been able to eke out a precarious existence because his good ol' buddy, Richard Raintree had bought his entire production of 20 each year at five million bucks each, then throwing them in the ocean. A little extra income had come because his daddy had persuaded the Texas State government to give him a bonus of a million bucks a head not to breed Hairless Whackoes (genus Whacko Baldus Stromthurmondus) and also the noxious Adulterous Whacko (genus Whacko Deadbeatus Gingrichus), and little Dubya had courageously signed agreements not to breed 200 of these each year at a million bucks a pop. After a whole week of his new job as president of the USA, working a brain-boggling 9:00am to 3:30pm with a mere two hours for lunch, little Dubya Moron is exhausted. Although he knows that all he has to do is follow the orders of Richard Rainwater, which come written on envelopes containing $20 Million in used bills, the strain of the work is getting to him. They have tried to find something to do to raise Dubya's approval ratings, but all attempts to prosecute Clinton and Gore for new crimes are screwed up by discovering that Dubya, his dad, or other GOP members committed the crimes themselves. An attempt to go to war with Canada is foiled by their inability to locate Canada and Dubya's confusion between it and Panama. Trent Lott is now in deep distress, owing to the fact that the greased cat on his head has turned rabid from listening to GOP dogma, and the scratches on his face are becoming severely infected. The kittens have grown, and their constant slides down his face and scrabbles to get back to rabid mommy cat have worsened the situation. And now….. Episode 4 of Mr. Moron Goes to Washington! A full meeting of the GOP is called to determine how to improve little Dubya Moron's performance approval rating. When the senators and congressmen finish picking fleas out of each other's hair, Lott calls the meeting to order. Lott: "Okay guys, we've raised taxes on the poor, and cut the top rate to zero. We've given the insurance companies immunity against claims. Now what?" Tom Delay: "How about executing a few abortion doctors?" The GOP: "YES, YES, YES!" Dubya: "I've got an envelope here from the mining company lobby. Hey, look! It's got $40M in it. They've written something on the back… let me see…. 'We want to strip-mine Yoss.., er…Yowza.., er… Yossymight Park..'" The GOP: "YES, YES, YES!" Dubya: "Seems okay to me. Heck, it's just a park, bit of grass, some flowers. We can save money on the gardener and sell the lawn mower. I'll do it." (signs the executive order.) The GOP: "YES, YES, YES!" John McCain: "But…" The GOP: "SHUT UP, McCAIN!" Lott: "Let's put a tax on kids for families with incomes under $50,000. People like that shouldn't have children, anyway." The GOP: "YES, YES, YES!" Dubya: "And they mustn't be allowed to learn to read at school. Reading's not good for people. It turns them into libruls." The GOP: "NO, NO, NO!" John McCain: "But…" The GOP: "SHUT UP, McCAIN!" Dubya: "Your head's rotting, Trent." Lott: "Nothing serious, Mr. President. There's nothing inside." Dubya: "How are the kittens?" Lott: "They'd taste better with some garlic and onions." And on that profound note, Episode 4 ends. Tune in later this evening for the exciting and traumatic Episode 5 of Mr. Moron Goes to Washington! in which the GOP dreams start to fade Striker Davies Sorry, elves, it really isn't my fault, it's just that I got hooked when I read Doonsbury and how he bashed poppy bush and little danny quayle and I inhaled and kept reading and I was addicted and now I can't stop and I keep producing this stuff, and I wanna stop but I can't, it's got me, and I know that all republicans aren't totally stupid - yes they are, Striker - I'm sure they're not - yes they are - I wanna stop, honest, but it's a drug, help! Don't lock me up, please elves, get help… get Mike Stone, or Catherine Vincent, or Sharon Stove, they'll know what to do… |
